Marketing stuff we can’t stand

I don’t know if I can speak for everyone, but here are some (there are far more) of the marketing practices, activities, things and stuff that I do not enjoy in the least, drive me crazy, and for which I have little patience.

robo-call telemarketing and the telemarketers who use such services
robo-calls from “your credit card company” that, no matter how often you press the “2” key to “remove yourself from our call list” or complain to the FTC do-not-call registry of abuses, you still get. But always from a different number the next time.
people who come to my door (usually 20 – 25 years of age) with some hard-sell pitch, produce a photocopy of a vendor permit issued by the local police when I tell them I am eating dinner, produce a copy of their drivers license when I say that my dinner is getting cold, ask why I don’t just buy “X” as I can then eat my dinner, then look at my hurtfully and murmur something under their breath when I wish them well and tell them that I am going to finish my dinner. It is those I never meet – the ones who train them – that drive me crazy.
the increasing cost of an ever-shrinking San Jose Mercury news. Except on Sundays when I receive 3X the amount of newspaper in flyers that I must then put in the recycling bin.
multi-level marketing
multi-level markets who, when I ask why I would ever pay 3X form something I can get at a store, tell me that if Donald Trump or some NHL hockey player is using their product that I should reflect on that for a few moments, then get my checkbook before the moment of thoughtful reflection fade
coupon marketers. Especially those who expect me to compile something approaching a family scrapbook, stand on my left leg, then visit a store at some unusual hour to save $1.00
life insurance marketers who tell me that I am going to die some day, delivering the line as if they are revealing a universal truth that has been held from me since birth
the companies who sell robo-call systems to robo-call marketers
real estate sales people who knock on my door and tell me that they have a buyer for my house, then look at me disbelievingly when I hand them paper and pen and ask for the buyer’s contact information.
Banking telemarketers who call for my wife and, when I tell them that she is not home and ask if I can take a message, advise that they are merely making a courtesy call; when I tell them that no one in recent memory has called my wife to pay any kind of courtesy, and that I know she will be thrilled for me to pass along their kindness and ask what the kind courtesy is, get stumped and say “It’s personal, and I’d rather tell your wife directly”; then when I ask if they are having an affair with my wife the phone goes dead.
solar companies who, either telemarketing or knocking at my door, tell me that everyone in the neighborhood is buying solar, and yet seem so put out when I tell them that they have finally met the person who is not
those who clinch their pitch with the offer of a “lifetime warranty” then become downright testy when you ask to see a copy of it rather than the sales contract.
magazine marketing. Enough said.
$500 gift cards, applicable to purchases of $5,000 or more

There are only two reasons such nonsense prevails:

It works.
Even if it doesn’t, the companies who use such tactics can’t find a subsitute that does work

Written by Michael

Michael Douglas has held senior positions in sales, marketing and general management since 1980, and spent 20 years at Sun Microsystems, most recently as VP, Global Marketing. His experience includes start-ups, mid-market and enterprises. He's currently VP Enterprise Go-to-Market for NVIDIA.